Find out what Magic Johnson has in common with the Masked Magician's penis. No kidding. Discover even more mystifying secrets on a brand new Soup at 10 p.m. EDT/PDT.

You thought you knew horror? You thought you knew fear? Well, you thought wrong. You may be sick of the Jonas Brothers, but prepare to be deathly ill of them, thanks to Quarantween. It's catching. And don't forget to catch The Soup at 10 p.m. EDT/PDT.

And once your stomach's settled, click in for even more great Soup video.

He is a doctor with a dream. He is a doctor who cares. He is Harry Connick Jr., who as an actor is a tremendous piano player. See him attempt to cure cancer, which apparently involves running down a very long hallway with grave intensity. Thanks to Soup fan Brandon for this moment of a Lifetime.

It’s hard to imagine the Baywatch-era Hasselhoff breaking a sweat, but pay attention here to perspiration-soaked Dave looking like he needs an oxygen tank and a fifth of electrolytes. And no, it wasn’t after a desperate jog down to the corner store for more beverages; apparently the Hoff is now learning martial arts. But still, you don't see Seagal panting like this. Luckily D.H. had that stick to lean on, and from the look on his face, some kind of ancient mantra like, “Oh sweet Jesus, please don't let me have a freakin' heart attack...”

Country music star John Rich's recent John McCain promotional anthem "Raisin' McCain" has fueled the cause for supporters of the Republican presidential hopeful, but it has also engendered a statement from a member of the California Raisins, the popular late-'80s singing group.

“John McCain is not, nor ever has been a member of the California Raisins. He ain’t even from California,” stated the tasty, sun-wrinkled vocalist. “Also, as far as I know, the man was never a grape, so no way could he be a raisin.” The San Joaquin Valley, Calif., native expressed shock at the song. “Why some hillbilly would be singin’ about McCain like he was one of us is beyond me. How about Granny Smith McCain? Or maybe Chiquita Banana McCain? I’m just sayin’ it’s not right.”

ZumaPress.com

High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron has multitudes of fans, most of them young and female, but—as the tween star found out recently—his appeal extends a bit beyond that demographic. As Efron left London’s Apollo Theatre this week, a middle-aged man lunged at him in a bizarre attempt to get a lock of his hair (the sexy Efron is well known for his stupendous head of tousled, textured, razor-cut locks). The Hairspray star managed to escape the mane-mad maniac, jumping into a waiting limo and speeding to safety.

Now, according to a Soup Blog industry coiffure source, the shaken Efron is rethinking his look. “Zac is understandably terrified that this could happen again, and will be shaving his head clean,” stated the source. Citing chrome-domed superstars like Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson and Howie Mandel, the source continued, “He feels his talent is not dependant on hair and he can always wear a wig for roles that demand a full head. Plus, he has a nice skull, kind of like the top of an egg, or a cute Spanish peanut. And even crazy fans don’t want a lock of scalp.”

This is probably illegal in certain states.  

Pink elephant sightings are one thing, but hard-core boozehounds know the true rewards of sauce worship involve morphing your fat body into something the ladies wil go ga-ga over, not to mention seeing a six-foot dancing chicken pushing discount liquor. Fred knows all of this (and no doubt more), as will you, thanks to Soup queen Anna.

We all know the rumors of subversive moments in Disney films—the penis-shaped tower in The Little Mermaid, the word sex spelled out in the clouds in The Lion King, Aladdin saying "Good teenagers take off their clothes." Now here's another chunk of (admittedly augmented) Disney weirdness. If your job is truly boring, thus demanding copious time spent mindlessly Web surfing, you may have seen this before. If not, it's worth a pre-Halloween look.

Once again, your Condensed Soup portion may be small, but it packs the same sweet, viscous qualities as the big one. Sample a taste of Tyra as she reveals her birthday present to Miley—it's a gift that keeps on giving, provided you can't get enough of Tyra. Look forward to home wrecking, Korean style, plus some laughs-cum-heartbreak from Cheaters. And don't forget to watch The Soup Friday at 10 p.m.

Still hankerin' for more? Check out all the latest servings of Soup videos.

Gracious queen WASP Martha Stewart has given us so much over the years, from the sheets upon which we lay our heads to a fine example of how to do time in the big house and hold your mud like a man. Now, with Halloween (and Thanksgiving) on the way, let's take a few costume tips from Martha, especially for babies. 

No need to sit through the whole nine minutes of this thing; you'll get the idea by the time she puts the knife on the baby dressed as an apple pie. 

Spoiler alert! Naomi's in a real bitch froth over ex-pal Adrianna, so much so that she's leaving her a nasty message. Too bad those iPhones don't reach beyond the grave!