The Awful Truth

It’s almost like something Lance Armstrong’s longer-lasting blondie chick Sheryl Crow would pen a song about. Turns out even though—as we first reported—Lance’s original hookup with flaxen-haired dude-flirter Kate Hudson may have had less than genuine intentions from the get-go (leggy Lance chooses his mates very carefully, darlings, always with an eye on how they’ll be perceived in public, not just in his pants), the Texan chick changer actually fell for this one, wouldncha know? I mean, that hypothetical Sheryl number could have also ended up being the title song for a movie starring bestest bud Matthew McConaughey, which would have played out with this storyline: Perennial bachelor gets snagged by equally designing honey who never wanted to settle down in the first place. Only problem being, it really happened.

“It was really f--ked up,” bitched a source close to the Southern played-out scene. “She was really not cool about it,” continued our insider regarding how quickly Hudson moved on to another fella with apparently greener party pastures, not to mention a temperament built for putting up with an Oscar-winning mommy’s little entitled lass. Remember when I told you how Hudson holed up in the loo on a yacht at Cannes, just so the security peeps wouldn’t find her and tell her to leave ‘cause she didn’t have a seat at the too-chic soiree? Merde like that, apparently, was routine with Armstrong, who felt particularly peeved as his kids got to know the T-town pedigreed princess, too.

Let’s all say an ironic prayer for Lance-poo, shall we? (Even players need pity, after all—and besides, hear he is not voting for McCain, but...Obama. Nice. I’m suddenly liking this stud again.)