McHale vs. Olbermann: Cutting-Edge Television

Joel McHale with bleeding head E! Networks

Lovers of Joel McHale—and you know who you are—will not want to miss tonight’s special date with your man: He's appearing on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann at 5:40 p.m. PST and 8:40 p.m. if you live on the other side of the country.

Jackson to Feldman: Just Beat It

Now that we're all glued to the slurry warmth-cum-horror show that is The Two Coreys, here's a little extra hit of Feldman that, for some reason, is making the blog rounds as new info. Feldy has opened up even deeper (deeperer?) about the horror of his early years with ex-personal idol M.J.: “He did real damage in my overall life…Michael would sit and talk to me for hours and he would listen. Then he would get bored.” Bored, I tell you! But it doesn’t stop there. “[He'd say,] 'Hey, I love you, I'm here for you, anything you need, you call me, I will be there for you.' Then the very next day, the number's been changed.” So dating sucks—get used to it.

Mickey Mouse to Pope: My Ears, Your Head

>

The pope himself has finally made it clear that he doesn’t wear—and under no circumstances will he wear—a funny hat. While in Australia recently, a bunch of kids from the O.C. who were visiting Down Under gave him a Mickey Mouse brim—big black ears and all, just like Britney used to wear!—only to have him toss the thing to his holy iPhoning assistants. What a waste. If they knew a rabbi, the shunned teen gift givers could have yanked the ears off and made a snazzy yarmulke. Incidentally, the boss Catholic normally wears a lid called a “zucchetto.” Order that with rigatoni and red sauce in Rome and they’ll staple your scrotum to your chin. As for the above clip, who wants to watch videos of the pope? Unless it's The Pope of Greenwich Village.

Clip of the Day: From G's to Gents

In this tense morsel from MTV's From G's to Gents, some craven, faceless hater gets a bit disrespectful with a Sharpie in lieu of the traditional can of spray paint...which is a least a small step toward refinement.

 

CMT: Where the Necks Are Red and the Dreams Are Clear

Longtime mustache supporter Jeff Foxworthy will be putting his grandchildren through Ol' Miss thanks to the “you might be a redneck” premise alone, yet CMT (that’s Country Music Television for those living above the Mason Dixon line) is taking a much firmer stance. You are a redneck if you appear on Redneck Dreams, where the dreams of rednecks, yes, come true. Be it a new pontoon boat, a barbecue or boobs (their examples), if the magical CMT dream weavers “think you deserve it, it’s yours!” See Jeff the Pantomime, Bird-Killing Sherriff, along with his pit hair, his twitchy upper lip and his mad bird-calling skills. And he's here to humiliate himelf beg for a custom decoy trailer—to carry plastic ducks—surely the stuff of dreams. (Sorry ladies, looks like he’s wearing a ring).

Gas, Grass or Ambien: Moby Chides for Free

Earlier this month, vegan baldy Moby caused a big stink over the farts of cattle, who he claims are leaving a carbon ass-print on the global-warming crisis bigger than all the cars, trucks and SUVs in the world combined. The threat of the planet becoming one big Dutch oven is clearly a nightmare for Moby, yet he seems to have much more compassion for the noxious air of humans than our gaseous bovine buddies. (Before you jump, get a huff of Mob's Earth-loving, fart-joke setup vid "Whispering Wind.")

Keep Reading

Alba Seeing You

For years, countless eyeballs have stared at the dark, angelic form of Jessica Alba, and sometimes even at her acting. Now Jalba is returning the favor. Taste the sheer intensity of a prolonged eye freeze with the star who broke our hearts in Flipper and put them back together again in Loveboat: The Next Wave as she challenges you to a staring contest. Can you hold out until she removes her top blinks?

Clip of the Day: Wendy Williams Battles Omarosa—May the Best ABW Win!

Watch self-proclaimed Angry Black Woman Omarosa defend her title against Wendy Williams as the barbs fly. And rest assured, from nose jobs to wigs, no one is spared! What a tag team these two would make if they could only get along.

Gene Simmons: Pre-KISS Puerto Rican Operative?

While scanning Gene Simmons’ personal website for “Headline News,” we came across a letter from a girl who wants to be a "part-time plus-size model," seeking wisdom from longtime model enthusiast Gene. Simmsy illustrated his advice—“don’t put all your eggs in one basket”—with some personal resume history: “By the time KISS started, I had a BACHELOR OF ARTS [Gene’s caps] degree in Education...taught sixth grade for a short time...worked as the Assistant to the Editor at Vogue and Glamour magazines...worked as the Assistant to the Director of the Puerto Rican InterAgency Association...”

Keep Reading

One Breakfast, Coming Up

If you’ve ever fantasized about your dining-room table not only being able to talk but also  being a large black woman named Luenell who enjoyed having you and your family eat sushi off of her, then prepare to have that fantasy come true. Or have it destroyed forever thanks to this wretched chunk of Reality Bites Back. Good morning!

The Joker's on You

Ryan Seacrest (with Joker paint)

Heath Ledger steeped himself so deeply in the role of The Dark Knight’s Joker that he said it became a highly disturbing experience for him; the ultimate toll it took on the late actor may never be known. On the bright side, however, you can make yourself look like the Joker and all you need is an iPhone. Forget about all that painful Method acting, just get the Apple application, snap yourself—or anyone, for that matter—and enjoy applying the make-up of, as the late Mr. Ledger described his character to the New York Times, a “psychopathic, mass murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy.” Fun, eh?

The Cyrus Virus Spreads

Did you feel that? You know, that gust of chilly wind carrying the scent of roses and singed fur that just went by? I’ll tell you what it was: Time, my friends, and it’s making Miley Cyrus get all growed up. And as she grows, so does her unstoppable fame. So if you want a piece of innocent Miley before she’s in rehab and flicking butts at maître d's, go to the jump. Before that, you might want to indulge in the grab above of classic Miley through the disturbing lens of Sims2.

Keep Reading